Gees! What a ride!

“When suffering loss, the human thing to do is curse the darkness; the saintly instinct is to light a candle.”

I first heard this while watching a documentary about a missing soldier. Rather than allowing their grief to consume them, the family chose to campaign for a change in the law so that others might be spared the same heartache.

I loved those words so much that I immediately wrote them down.

I’ve always been drawn to quotes that make me stop and think. They challenge me to ask myself: What would I do? What have I done? And what will I choose to do in the future?

I wish my brain injury didn’t affect my memory so much. I’d love to carry these words with me every day, but at least by writing them down, I know I’ll come back to them from time to time.

It’s a good reminder for when life completely falls apart. When everything turns to chaos… what will I choose?

I suppose the answer depends on the situation—and, if I’m honest, on how much energy I have left.

I’d like to think I’d always choose the saintly option. Looking back, I believe I usually have.

But after experiencing my fair share of difficult situations and people who have been anything but kind, I’ve come to believe that sometimes it’s okay to curse the darkness too.

Will it change anything? Probably not.

Will it magically make the situation better? Unlikely.

But sometimes you just have to admit, this is a complete shyte sandwich.

Sometimes you need to throw your toys out of the cot, have a good vent, feel the frustration, and acknowledge that what you’re experiencing is hard.

And that’s okay.

I’m okay with not being saintly all the time.

I’m also allowed to give myself the grace to be a little bit pissed off.

Being human isn’t about always choosing the perfect response. It’s about feeling the whole range of emotions—grief, anger, hope, compassion, disappointment, resilience—and finding your way through them.

Perhaps the goal isn’t to never curse the darkness.

Perhaps it’s to make sure that, once we’ve finished cursing it, we still find the strength to light a candle.