Gees! What a ride!

Born into a mixed race family…. Life was weird from the start. Because of my darker skin, I always felt a little out of place.

Bought up in a home with no respect for Māori culture is difficult to understand when you are young and wanting deep down to connect to the other side of you. The side you look like.

We only spoke English and never had the opportunity to learn Te Reo, criticized if I expressed the desire to try.

Te Reo was discouraged by European settlers over a century ago – to speak the language, was forbidden.

I remember my great grandmother watching programmes in Reo and understanding them, but never spoke the language to us. I now find this so sad!

Culturally when you are not taught protocols or able to speak the language, you are inadvertently isolated again….

When you are finally around people that look like you, but you can’t be part of the conversation, or not sure where to stand or what to do, you are unintentionally excluded.

This is difficult to understand as a child – from then I tried to hide who I was. I spoke English well, tried hard to fit in, ignored the cultural insensitivity around me (insults to Māori and racism, that was normal right?). But I always felt less than, due to the colour of my skin. I believed I had to do better, I had to be better or I was of no value at all to anyone….

Thankfully, recently, I have had some guidance on how I can connect with my culture and find peace with who I am….

This small change has started to give me more strength, more self belief and self value.